Goat Leche

 

                                                   maximili—Getty Images/iStockphoto

There are not many things, consumption-wise, that I absolutely abhor, but goat cheese is one of them.    

I have a superhuman ability to smell it from across the room and it generally gets the salivary glands in the back of my mouth working overdrive.  I'm sure you know what I am referring to.  It is that "Oh Shit!" flavor you get just prior to executing your best Linda Blair impersonation.  It's sour-funkiness ruins everything that it touches and the fact that it tries to pass itself off as its delicious cousin Feta is an absolute crime.  Feta --> Mo Betta 

I had written off the goat as an unfortunate animal whose very essence permanently barred it from the honor of being a tasty dish I would consume.  My palate was adorned with caprae non-grata signs and I had no reason to think that it would be otherwise.  I mean me and goat dairy had a history.  

As a child, I was allergic to Milk and Wheat.  This is not a big deal in the age of Whole Foods, almond milk, and Glutenburg beer, but Ohio in the 80's was significantly lacking in the Whole 30 approved options.  This led to my mother making valiant efforts to find meal options other than my beloved peanut butter and jelly on a spoon and use of Isomil to wet my cereal.  That's right folks, you heard it here first!  I drank soy formula as milk...after being a baby... until I left for Paris Island.  

We can save both the jokes and in-depth discussions on effects of phytoestrogen consumption on males through adolescence for another time, m'kay.  Thanks.  

One of those efforts was goat milk.  It was an option for children whom had cow milk allergies as it is very rare for people to be sensitive to it.  Why is that do you ask?  Well, just google it and you can get the details.  Never-the-less, option three thousand nine hundred seventy-six to stop buying canned formula was a go.  Mom sourced it, poured a cup, and handed it to me.  From arm’s length, I got a whiff and my inner Kalen Allen activated.  I took a sip and was able to confirm that the perceived connection between goats and Satin is justifiable.  

Nope, no way, I'm all set, please pass the infant special.      

Now don't get me wrong, goats have their purpose.  

In fact, they are strong allies of mine in the fight against the holder of the apex spot in my "Things to Kill" list: Poison Ivy.  That's right, those cute little cloven hoofed, freaky eyed, head butters love to eat them some poison ivy!!  In fact, having goats clean out a poison ivy patch is quite possibly the best way to remove said topiary of hell.  It is so effective that goat farmers have built a side hustle of renting out their flock to clear land.  That is a pretty cool super power if you ask me.  Couple that with the tendency for some to feint and you have a pretty usefully little animal... as long as you plan to keep it out of your mouth.

Well dear readers, I have to say that I may have had my mind changed today.  As a gift for giving away our rooster, (not gonna elaborate now as that is far too long of a digression) some very nice folks gave us a jar of fresh raw goat milk.  I Van Dammed and smiled as I thanked the gent for his generosity and waved goodbye; then proceeded to hand it to my wife for her to consume.  

Somewhat reluctantly she went for it and quickly stated that it was "pretty good!" and that I should try it.  After several minutes of cajoling in front of our oldest I glared at her over the glass and sipped Satan's nectar.  

It wasn't that bad. In truth, it was okay.  I am not really a fan of milk outside of dunking Oreos, but this was fine.  It was very mild in flavor and left a barely perceptible grassy note.  It was not heavy nor did it leave a film in my mouth like whole milk can.  It was pretty gosh darn fine.

I just don't know when I would drink it.  I am just not a milk drinker and I am trying to lay off the Oreos for a while.  Maybe in my coffee.  I will give that a shot tomorrow. 

Cheers!